Inviting Peace with Jonathan Hale

Evaluate Before You React to Stress

• Jonathan Hale • Episode 2

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The second step in the peace framework teaches us how to evaluate our stressful situations by asking better questions before taking action. Evaluation helps us shift from being reactive to intentional by creating mental space between our triggers and responses.

• Evaluation means getting curious before you get reactive
• Simple evaluation questions include: what's actually happening right now? What story am I telling myself about this?
• Mental space clearing technique involves taking 60 seconds to step back from the situation
• Evaluation moves us from fiction to reality – we often react to the story we tell ourselves, not what's actually happening
• Examples of evaluation in daily life include receiving blunt texts, being stuck in traffic, or feeling irritated with children
• The spiritual dimension of evaluation asks "what am I being invited to see differently?"
• Evaluating through prayer helps us see situations and people with greater compassion
• Evaluation makes room for wisdom by slowing down in a world that wants you to rush

Visit jonathan-hale.com to book time with Jonathan as your peace coach. Peace is not passive, it's a practice and you're not alone on the journey.


https://jonathan-hale.com/

Jonathan:

I'm Jonathan Hale, and this is your invitation to seek, find and keep peace in your life, even when life feels anything but peaceful. Welcome to the Inviting Peace podcast. This is a space for reflection, grounded truth and simple, powerful ideas to help you find calm in the chaos. No hype, no fluff, just real talk about what it takes to cultivate peace from the inside out. Whether you're in a period of stress, in a season of searching, or simply want to grow in clarity and stillness, this is for you. So take a breath, let's begin. Take a breath, let's begin. So let's pick up where we left off in our last episode, where we talked about pressing the pause button on stress. If you missed that one, you may want to go back and give it a listen, because each of these steps builds on the last. We explored the power of the pause, how hitting the pause button in the middle of stress is often the most important step toward finding peace. But what comes after the pause? That's what today's episode is all about, because once we pause, once we've created that moment of space between the stimulus and our response, we arrive at a new crossroad, and that crossroad is where the second step of the peace framework begins.

Jonathan:

Evaluate Now. I want you to think of a time when you've reacted to something quickly, maybe impulsively, and then later regretted it. We've all been there. Maybe you fired off a text too fast or spoke out of frustration before hearing the full story, or jumped to conclusions based on very limited information. It's okay. Again, you're human. But evaluating before we react is how we begin to grow beyond our autopilot patterns. It's how we move from survival mode into something more intentional. So what does evaluate really mean? Simply put, it's the practice of asking better questions before taking action. It's stepping into that pause and using it not just breathe, but to think clearly. And here's the key. Evaluating doesn't require perfection. It doesn't mean obsessing or overthinking every detail. It means getting curious before you get reactive. I often invite clients to consider this in real time. Here are just a few simple evaluation questions you can ask yourself when stress hits, what's actually happening right now? What story am I telling myself about this? Is my reaction matching the reality of the moment or the intensity of my emotion? What's within my control right now? What do I actually want as an outcome here? These questions help us turn on our higher reasoning, the thoughtful, compassionate, adult part of our brain instead of letting stress pull us into knee-jerk territory. Now, I know that in the heat of the moment, these kinds of questions can feel out of reach, so let's talk about how to practice this skill.

Jonathan:

One technique I recommend is what I call mental space clearing. When something triggers you, instead of reacting right away, you take 60 seconds and mentally step back from the situation, like a camera pulling out from a scene. Ask yourself what would I see from the outside, looking in? What else could be true here? Am I responding to this moment or to something old and unresolved that this moment has stirred up? That last one is powerful because so often our reactions are not just about this moment, they're about the last hundred that felt similar.

Jonathan:

Let's take an example. Say your partner snaps at you after a long day. Your first instinct might be to snap back or shut down, but in the pause, if you evaluate, you might realize they're probably just exhausted. It's not a personal attack. You're already feeling raw from your own work stress. What you really want is connection, not conflict. That quick scan, those few seconds of evaluation, can save you hours of tension later. To evaluate means to step back and examine what's really happening both outside of us and inside of us. It's the process of shifting from being reactive to being intentional, and that shift, however small it may seem, can be transformative.

Jonathan:

Let's consider another real life example. Imagine you receive a short, blunt text from a co-worker that just says I need those numbers now. No context, no greeting, just that your body tightens. You feel your heart rate increase, maybe you even mutter something under your breath. Your instinct might be to respond with equal sharpness, something like I'll get to it when I can. But if you pause and then evaluate, you might ask why did this message trigger me? Am I interpreting tone that isn't actually there? What might they be dealing with on their end? What response aligns with the kind of professional I want to be? Suddenly, instead of escalating the tension, you have a chance to lower it. You might reply sure thing Do you need it by a specific time today? That kind of response invites clarity, diffuses assumptions and keeps the door open for collaboration.

Jonathan:

Here's the key takeaway Evaluation helps us move from fiction to reality. We often react not to what's actually happening but to the story we've told ourselves about what's happening. Evaluation invites curiosity, and curiosity is one of the most underrated tools in the peace-building process. It's like walking into a dark room and fumbling around instead of flipping on the light switch. Evaluation is that switch. It helps you see what's really there instead of reacting to shadows.

Jonathan:

Let's examine another common example. You're stuck in traffic. You're going to be late. You're gripping the wheel tighter with every red light. You could let stress take over, clench your jaw, curse under your breath, honk at the person in front of you who definitely could have made it through that light. Or you could pause, then evaluate with this quick internal Q& A Is there anything I can do to change this traffic? No, what am I making this mean that I'm irresponsible? That I'll ruin the meeting? What's actually true? I'll be a few minutes late. I can let them know. What do I need right now? A deep breath, maybe some calming music. See the shift.

Jonathan:

Evaluating allows you to reclaim your agency. It helps you steer not the car but your internal compass toward peace. And it's not just about diffusing stressful moments. Evaluation can also amplify joy and gratitude. Maybe your child is asking a million questions while you're trying to cook dinner. You feel that edge of irritation rising. But if you pause and evaluate, you might realize this is curiosity, this is connection and suddenly dinner prep becomes a shared moment instead of a solo stress. So, whether it's a blunt text, a traffic jam or an inquisitive child, evaluation is your invitation to ask better internal questions before you offer a response. It gives you a moment to check in with your values. It reminds you that you are not your first impulse. It equips you to respond in alignment with who you want to be. And when you make evaluating a habit, you create an internal environment that's more stable, more grounded and much less reactive. You become the calm in the storm, not by avoiding the weather, but by understanding the patterns behind it.

Jonathan:

Let's take this one level deeper. We've talked about evaluating in practical, everyday ways. Now I want to invite you to evaluate through a spiritual lens, to not just ask what's going on here, but what am I being invited to see differently? There's an instructive phrase found in scripture by hearing, ye shall hear and shall not understand, and seeing, ye shall see and shall not perceive. Sometimes we need new eyes, not just new answers. Sometimes we need new eyes, not just new answers. When we invite God, or whatever name you use for a higher power, into our moments of stress, we begin to see more clearly. We don't just evaluate circumstances, we evaluate what they're shaping in us.

Jonathan:

Let's go back to that co-worker example. Maybe they weren't just abrupt, maybe they're overwhelmed, maybe they're worried about their job, maybe they're carrying burdens you can't see as you prayerfully consider how to respond. You're not just managing conflict, you're becoming a peacemaker. Jesus also taught Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. Being a peacemaker is not passive, it's active, deliberate work. To be a peacemaker is to choose love in the face of tension or conflict. To evaluate with spiritual eyes is to ask what does love require of me here? Sometimes the answer is gentleness, sometimes it's patience, sometimes it's setting a boundary, but it's always rooted in peace, not in contention.

Jonathan:

Now, I know some of you listening may not identify as spiritual or religious. That's okay, you don't have to use my language. You can translate it into your own framework. Maybe, instead of asking what is God inviting me to see, you ask what would the wisest, most grounded version of me notice? Here the point is to shift perspective, to widen the lens. When we evaluate from that deeper place, we find meaning, not just solutions.

Jonathan:

There's another passage in scripture that states man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. This verse reminds me that when I evaluate a situation, I can choose to look deeper, with God's help. Deeper than appearances, deeper than surface level offense, deeper than my need to be right. When we invite God into our evaluation, something shifts. We stop asking how do I win this argument and we start asking what would love do here? What would love do here? When we pray, god, help me see this person as you do, we often see not just their actions but their pain and what may be driving their actions, and suddenly our response becomes more compassionate, not weak and not passive, but anchored in peace instead of fueled by ego. So maybe next time you feel stressed or triggered, take a spiritual pause and ask what's really going on here. God, is there something you want me to learn in this moment? Am I reacting from fear or responding from love? What would bring more peace, not just for me, but for everyone involved?

Jonathan:

Sometimes the most powerful evaluation isn't intellectual, it's prayerful. Don't worry so much about getting it all figured out. It's about being willing to see the situation and yourself through a gentler, more eternal lens, and that's what I believe true peace invites us into Not just calmer thoughts, but clearer vision. Not just emotional regulation, but spiritual revelation. So let's bring all of this together. You paused. That was step one. And now, in the stillness, you evaluate.

Jonathan:

Not to overanalyze, not to stay stuck, but to respond wisely and intentionally. And whether you're doing that from a strictly practical place or through a lens of faith, evaluation makes room for wisdom. It means slowing down in a world that wants you to rush. It means asking thoughtful questions when it would be easier to shut down or blow up. It means choosing clarity over chaos, even when chaos is working hard to pull you in.

Jonathan:

And here's the beautiful part no matter your background, no matter your belief system, no matter how reactive you've been in the past, you can start this today. You can begin with a single pause and in that pause you can ask what am I really reacting to? What matters most here? What response feels most aligned with peace? Feels most aligned with peace. And whenever you're ready, invite God into that moment, ask for new eyes. You might be surprised at what you begin to see. You can start with thoughts like this God, help me evaluate this moment with your eyes, or help me see what I'm not seeing, or help me respond with grace, even when it's hard. So, whether you approach this from a practical place or a spiritual one, this step of evaluation is for everyone, because everyone can benefit from access to peace, even in stress, even in conflict, even in traffic. Thanks for spending this time with me today. Join me next time as we explore the next step in the journey toward peace appreciation.

Jonathan:

Peace isn't a distant destination. It's a practice, a posture, a way of seeing. Wherever you are today, however you've been feeling lately, you are invited to press pause and then evaluate with kindness. Let that be your practice this week and you'll begin to find peace right there, in the space between stimulus and response, between stimulus and response. All right, thank you for joining me today on Inviting Peace. If this episode spoke to you, I'd love for you to follow and share it with someone who wants to take action to bring a little more peace into their life. As you know, I'm a peace coach and I invite you to visit my website at jonathan-halecom to book some time with me. Remember, peace is not passive, it's a practice and you're not alone on the journey. Until next time, be kind to yourself and keep seeking peace.